My Thoughts on Self-Compassion and Its Positive Impact on Daily Life
This topic is very close to my heart. From both personal experience and my work in therapy, I’ve seen how often we tend to be hard on ourselves. We strive for perfection, want to achieve more, and when we fall short, we beat ourselves up.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to grow or achieve — the problem lies in how we meet ourselves when things don’t go as planned.
“Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with your failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?”
— Dr. Kristin Neff
These words from Kristin Neff always stay with me.
They make me wonder — how did we become so unkind to ourselves?
Many of us have grown up in environments where compassion wasn’t modeled — whether at home, in school, or in the wider culture. We might have internalized the belief that love and worth are conditional: that we have to perform, achieve, or behave a certain way to be accepted. Over time, that message can leave deep traces in our self-talk and beliefs.
But living this way can leave us exhausted, anxious, and empty inside.
So how can we keep striving and growing while also feeling at peace with ourselves?
This is where the practice of self-compassion can help. It teaches us to meet ourselves with kindness instead of criticism, to hold our imperfections with care, and to respond to our struggles as we would to a dear friend.
Think about how you might comfort a friend who feels like they’ve failed — you’d probably listen, offer warmth, and remind them that they’re doing their best. That same tenderness belongs to you, too.
According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is built on three interconnected aspects:
self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.
1. Self-Kindness
Treat yourself with the same understanding and warmth you would offer someone you care about. Instead of harsh self-talk after a mistake, try gentle words of support:
“That didn’t go as planned, and that’s okay. I can try again.”
2. Common Humanity
Remember that you are not alone in your struggles. Everyone experiences failure, pain, and self-doubt — it’s part of being human. Realizing this helps us feel more connected and less isolated in our challenges.
3. Mindfulness
As Jon Kabat-Zinn said, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Mindfulness helps us notice our difficult emotions — sadness, guilt, anger — without judgment or suppression. It’s about allowing our experience to be what it is, with gentle awareness.
Integrating these three aspects into daily life takes practice. Some days will feel easier than others — and that’s part of it. If it feels hard, don’t use that as another reason to judge yourself. Simply begin again tomorrow.
Research shows that practicing self-compassion can ease anxiety, depression, perfectionism, and the fear of failure. It also tends to increase happiness, creativity, resilience, and overall life satisfaction.
This is why I want to make you familiar with a little exercise to start your self-compassion journey that includes the three heart aspects of self-compassion.
A Small Practice: The Self-Compassion Break
The next time you feel stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, take a quiet moment to pause and connect with yourself.
Acknowledge what’s happening.
“This is a moment of suffering.”
(This is mindfulness.)Recognize that you’re not alone.
“Suffering is part of life.”
(This is common humanity.)Offer yourself kindness.
Place a hand over your heart or on your cheek and say:
“May I be kind to myself in this moment.”
(This is self-kindness.)
Self-compassion isn’t about perfection — it’s about creating a gentler, more balanced relationship with yourself. With small shifts in how you speak to yourself, you move closer to a life rooted in calm, confidence, and quiet contentment.
Recommended reading:
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff