The Complexity of the Holidays When You’re Away From Home
Between Joy and Grief
It hits you unexpectedly — scrolling past photos of Christmas markets you're not walking through, or hearing a familiar carol in a language that isn't quite yours anymore. The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, gathering, and celebration.
And it can be — filled with love, laughter, and family traditions. Yet, for many living abroad or far from home, it can also bring stress, emotional intensity, and quiet grief. Balancing your own needs with the expectations of family and friends can feel overwhelming.
Being away from the place you grew up often stirs a mix of emotions: nostalgia, loneliness, excitement, and a sense of losing something familiar while building something new. This time of year can feel like a rollercoaster — a cycle of highs and lows, reflection and longing, comfort and discomfort.
Memories of Home
For me, growing up in Vienna, Christmas weekends were often spent wandering the city’s famous Christmas markets. The scent of roasted chestnuts and gingerbread, the warmth of mulled wine in my hands, and the glow of lights strung across the stalls — all of it embedded in memory.
Even the cold wind, blowing against my face as I bundled up in my coat and gloves, became part of the ritual. Returning home to friends and family, drinking tea, eating homemade cookies, chatting away the afternoon — it was imperfect, yet familiar, comforting, and grounding.
Of course, not all memories of home are entirely warm or joyful. For some, being away may bring relief, distance, or a sense of safety — and that’s okay. Even in these cases, there is a thread of “who I am now” that connects past and present. Being away from home can give space to notice both what we have left behind and who we are becoming.
When you are away from these traditions, you may suddenly notice their absence. The familiar practices that once shaped your sense of belonging are no longer there, and you may find yourself longing for them while trying to create your own new rituals and holiday traditions.
Navigating the In-Between
For those living abroad, the holidays can pose a very real question: Do I stay in my new home and create my own traditions, or do I travel back to celebrate with family and friends? Both choices can stir guilt, excitement, or even fear of missing out. You may feel torn between honoring the life you are building now and maintaining a connection to the life you left behind.
It is possible to love the place you’ve chosen to live and still miss home. This is not a contradiction, nor a regret — it is the natural experience of living between worlds. Grieving the old does not prevent you from embracing the new. You may long for family and friends left behind, yet simultaneously seek to cultivate your own rituals, strengthen new bonds, and honor your values in the life you are building.
For those who are alone in a new country, or who may have lost loved ones, the holidays can feel especially heavy. Feeling overwhelmed, sad, or lonely during this season is natural, regardless of where you are or who you are with.
Identity and Tradition
This seasonal complexity often touches deeper questions of identity: Who am I without the rituals I grew up with?
Creating new traditions is a beautiful, sometimes bittersweet process — letting go of what was familiar while stepping into the unknown.
Moments of joy can intertwine with longing, laughter with nostalgia. This mix is natural when you hold roots in more than one place, and it’s okay to feel it all.
Gentle Invitations for the Season
Here are some ways to navigate this holiday season with compassion and care:
Notice your feelings without judgment. Allow yourself to experience joy, nostalgia, or sadness — all are part of the season.
Communicate your needs to loved ones. Whether near or far, letting others know what supports you can ease pressure and create understanding.
Build small rituals that honor both worlds. Light a candle from your hometown, cook a familiar family recipe, or start a new practice that feels meaningful in your current life.
Find your people. Seek out friends or community who understand this particular in-between — those who hold space for your full experience.
Give yourself grace in decision-making. Whether you stay or travel, remember that there is no perfect choice. You are doing your best to honor both yourself and your connections.
A Compassionate Reminder
You are not doing it wrong. Living with roots in more than one place brings complexity, and it is normal for the holiday season to feel full of both longing and possibility.
This complexity is held in therapy as well — a gentle space to reflect, process, and explore your feelings without judgment. Sometimes, simply naming and witnessing your emotions is the first step toward holding them with care.
The holidays can be a time of stress, celebration, grief, and joy — all at once. By approaching this season with awareness, kindness, and small acts of care, you can create a path that feels gentle and authentic to your life, wherever it unfolds.