Rebuilding Belonging After a Major Life Transition
There’s a strange, quiet moment that comes with big life changes. One day you look around and realize: the people, routines, and roles that used to make you feel like you belonged have shifted. You’re still here — but everything around you is different.
Life transitions take many forms:
Becoming a parent and feeling disconnected from your old life
A career change that leaves you without your professional identity
A relationship ending and your social world rearranging
Kids growing up and your role shifting
Health changes, menopause, retirement, or loss
Some transitions we choose. Others arrive uninvited. What they all have in common is that they change our context. The structure we relied on — familiar surroundings, known people, predictable rhythms — suddenly or gradually shifts. And that can feel unsettling, even destabilising. It can leave us asking: Who am I now? Where do I belong?
The Invisible Losses
Big transitions bring obvious losses, but they also bring invisible ones — the ones we rarely talk about.
I still remember when I moved away from the place I grew up. I grieved not being able to pop out for a coffee with old friends, to speak in my own language, to be known without explanation. Phones and video calls help — but they don’t fully replace the sense of being seen in your own world. In a new context, no one knows you yet. You have to start from zero.
This is exhausting. And we often underestimate just how much energy navigating change requires.
Belonging Is Built, Not Found
Here’s something I’ve learned personally and as a therapist: we often wait to feel like we belong before we participate. But it actually works the other way around.
Belonging comes from contribution — from showing up, offering something, being part of things. It’s not about being welcomed. It’s about being willing.
This can feel uncomfortable. Acting before you feel ready asks courage. Everyone experiences this differently: someone more outgoing may find it easier, while an introvert may need more time and gentler steps. Both are okay.
Small Acts of Courage
Belonging isn’t rebuilt in one big moment. It’s built through repeated, small acts — ones that slowly help you feel more connected to yourself and others.
What might these look like?
Finding one place that becomes “yours” — a café, a class, a walking route
Asking for help (which also builds connection)
Showing up again, even when the first time felt hard
Sharing a coffee with someone new
Building small rituals into your week
These acts don’t have to feel natural at first. They just have to happen.
What to Remember in the Middle
Rebuilding belonging takes longer than we expect. There will be days when you still feel unmoored — and that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re in the process.
Transitions ask us to hold two things at once: grief for what was, and openness to what’s coming. Both are allowed. And it’s no wonder some days feel hard.
Even the transitions we choose — the ones we wanted — can bring grief. That might sound strange, but it’s true. Becoming a parent, leaving a job that wasn’t right, moving to a place you dreamed of living: these can all carry a quiet sense of loss for the life you’re leaving behind.
This doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. It means you’re human.
If you’re in the middle of a transition, feeling a bit unmoored, that’s not failure. That’s the space between who you were and who you’re becoming. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep showing up.
A Gentle Invitation
If you’re navigating a life transition and would like support, I work with people online and in-person in Ibiza. You can send me an email [here] to make an appointment.